I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
