Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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