I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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