Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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