Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
