did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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