meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
