Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
