My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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