my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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