I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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