Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
