After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
