We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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