Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
