She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
