So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
