Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
