Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
