Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
