dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
