so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
