Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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