brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
