Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
not ubering you a puppy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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