I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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