Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
