bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
