His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
