I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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