I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
