My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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