Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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