I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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