youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
