Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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