i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
