i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
