i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
