I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
