her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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