she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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