you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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