I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
