I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
