Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
