I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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