We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
