Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
