i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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