Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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