I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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