You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
