omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
