Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
