Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
