i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
