If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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