I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
