i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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