So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
