his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's blow job season.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
