i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
3pm strippers are depressing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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