Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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