I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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