He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
