Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
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Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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