ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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