It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
