I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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