Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
