wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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